you win again, gameday.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
