I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
