Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
