it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
