Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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