McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
