And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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