No stitches, just platelets and will power
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
