atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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