awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
