i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
