i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
