I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just high enough for therapy.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
