She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
