i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my being single is dangerous.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
