what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
