Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
