I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
