I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
