just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
