JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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