ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
