I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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