I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
