If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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