your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
