I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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