You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
