Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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