My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
