They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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