we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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