If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
