Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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