he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
