In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
