can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
