I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
