eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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