I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
