I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
