just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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