Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
