I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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