i jhust puked up my retainher.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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