No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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