shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
