I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
