dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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