I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
