I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
