He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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