all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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