From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Success! We fucked roommates!
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