she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
