i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
