Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
