So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
