her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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