I hate your face
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
