I think my vagina is haunted
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
