Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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