Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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