you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
