Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize