You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
no you cant smoke seaweed
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
