70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i think im in europe. pls send help
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
