So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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