So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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