There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
