Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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