just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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