ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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