@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize